I lift a glass of cheer to each of you.
May everyone at the Soul Food Cafe
enjoy a wonderful, safe, healthy, and creative 2008
Happy New Year!
Lori
L.Gloyd (c) 2008
Archive for December, 2007
December Wish
December 29, 2007For the ones who are ‘down under’ in the Australian heat: I wish I could send you snow! Alas, all I can send is a photo of snow! (A photo of my local park last Jan when it snowed.)
(Click on photo for larger size. Photo by Cheshire D)
Think snow and keep cool!
Cheshire D
When In Rome Don’t Do What The Romans Do Unless You’re a Roman!
December 27, 2007
Yesterday my family were sitting around the old Christmas Tree, eating the Candy, finishing off the turkey and telling stories withChristmas Music playing in the background- all that was missing was Tiny Tim asking God to Bless us all.
But that old fashioned Christmas feeling was sort of shot to the North Pole on a Yule Log because at least four of my family members were sending text messages to their friends.
I choose my victim- which thank you Baby Jesus was my little Brother-and I start giving him a hard time about being a slave to his Phone and he says how he’s just starting to get the hang of this text messaging thing so he has to practice.
It’s like learning another language, he tells me, and if you don’t practice you could really embarrass yourself like he did a few months ago
when….
” You know what happened when I started this text thing Cheeto La Frito? ( that’s his nickname for me) I couldn’t get those letters right. It was weird I’d get these letters all strung together that made no sense so I wouldn’t answer. I even took my phone back because I thought something was wrong with it.”
” Anyway, I was dating this girl and we were supposed to meet for dinner and I’m at the restaurant when she sends me this text message that her Grandmother had died.
Well, I couldn’t think of anything to write back so I just sent her my love. “
” And….”
” Well, I thought I’d use the new lingo and typed in my love. “
” Uh-huh.”
” Lots of it.”
” I should hope so.” I told him.
” So I texted back LOL.”
OMG.
I hope your Christmas was just as fun(nny)
amm
A Special Visitor
December 25, 2007
I came upon this magnificent creature a couple of days ago. Since this bird was so enormous and had such an unusually deep and rumbling call, I suspect this is a actual raven, and not one of little common crows we have around here.
Since ravens are such rare birds in these parts and she stood still long enough for me to snap this picture, I consider this a message of some sort. I’m still trying to figure it out, but I am hoping she is giving us her best wishes for a new year.
L. Gloyd (c) 2007
On The Twelfth Day
December 24, 2007All Sales Are Final
On the twelfth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Twelve drummers drumming,
Eleven pipers piping,
Ten lords a-leaping,
Nine ladies dancing,
Eight maids a-milking,
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree!
For serveral years I believed my family Christmas Gatherings on the whole were trauma and drama free- or so I thought until I decided to write my own version of ” The Twelve Days of Christmas”.
And then I started to remember things like the time I went on a bike ride in the snow covered with Chicken Pox. And how on another Christmas I convinced my little Sister ( let’s see she was about five at the time) we found her floating in Greenlake in a basket just like Baby Moses and how if Santa found out he was probably going to take her presents to her real house so she shouldn’t count on getting anything at MY family’s house that Christmas.
Oh and there that Christmas Eve I hid all of my brother’s socks and underwear- we were older at the time – like 19 and 18 or something. But watching him toss a hissy fit over a bunch of lost underwear was worth all the threats of bodily harm my Mom was threatening to do to me if I didn’t give his stuff back right now That Christmas Eve is one of my most precious memories.
No it did not send him into counseling- at least I don’t think so.
And of course there was that time when I was about 13 when my dog Sham -who was this giant Malamute snatched the turkey off the counter where it was cooling and after I got it back from him me and my brother and sister had to put it back together because we tore it almost in half when we pulled it out of Sham’s jaws.
Talk about team work- not only did get that thing put back together we did it without our parents knowing- which of course probably isn’t the case at all but what the hey- it was probably the quietest the three of us had been since our Christmas Vacation from school had started a week before.
My parents were into ‘be grateful for small blessings’ mindset.
Let’s see- oh sure, there was that other time I took all of the chocolate covered cherries and drained the juice out of them- and for the rest of the night everyone complained about ‘that box of defective Cherry Cordials’ and how only OUR family could be unlucky enough to get it.
That box of candy still represents our family as the Underdog Champs of the world.
And then there was that year me and my brothers and sister and cousins performed a concert for our families.
We stood on the stairs just like the kids in the Brady Bunch and song meaningful heartfelt songs like Working On A Chain Gang, Teen Angel and my own personal favorite Goodnight Irene.
That ’ concert and the songs were my idea- and if there was ever a Kodak moment in the history of photography the look on all of those faces as they watched us sing by the glow of the Christmas Tree was one of them.
So honest- there wasn’t a lot of trauma or drama and looking back on it you could have done worse then us – given how many of us there were and how all of us were so different from each other ( okay and the rest of the human race ) all of these things could have been the stuff of holiday disasters.
But they weren’t.
We always had a good time and I’ll bet that after reading this a few people will be awfully glad they’ve got the families they have.
So.
We All Win.
Merry Christmas
On The Eleventh Day
December 24, 2007Things Start To Get A Little Too Quiet
On the eleventh day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Eleven pipers piping,
Ten lords a-leaping,
Nine ladies dancing,
Eight maids a-milking,
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.
My favorite part of Christmas wasn’t the presents or the food or even the free Sideshow that my family and friends provided that I in turn have shamelessy used in my writing years later
My family and friends are in ALL of my stories.
Anyway.
The best part was when we’d turn off most of the house lights, light some candles sit around the lit Christmas Tree and do the only thing you could do after a hard day of eating and drinking and making Merry.
We’d tell stories.
Everyone had a chance to tell a story- no matter how old or young – you got a chance to have the floor and tell stories like that one about that time when….
My Grandfather Saw The Ghost Lady
One of my Grandfathers was a dark haired Englishman and the other was a dark haired Filipino man and they both shared a similar experience.
They both saw the same woman at the same time- and they were living on opposite sides of the world.
So, in your minds eye picture my English Grandfather driving his 1940 Ford Coupe- his dark hair slicked back and wearing a snazzy suit- down the unlit rural streets of a town just outside of Seattle.
It’s a cold night because it’s Christmas Eve and it had started to snow a little that afternoon and the roads were icy and dangerous but that was fine with the dashing handsome man with my laugh that would one day become my Grandfather because he’s a good driver and he has no intention of not showing up at his family’s house in time for Christmas Dinner.
And somewhere in the Canefields on the big Island of Hawaii my other Grandfather- a dark handsome man with jet black hair and my eyes- is driving something called a Willy’s Jeep- through the dark fields towards his home along the bluff of the Waipio Valley where his family is waiting for him to bring home the treats for their Christmas Party.
And as they almost reach their homes they each see standing on the side of the road- a woman.
Her hair is white and her eyes are green .
She’s wearing a black dress and her hair is pulled back and she’s wearing rings on all of her fingers.
Each of them pulls up to the side of the road and asks the woman if she needs help.
” No” she tells them. ” I just need a ride.”
” To where ” they ask.
She leans in and whispers, ” Why, I want to go to wherever it is you’re going.”
Both of them don’t like her- they don’t like the way her hand rests on the hoods of their car, they don’t like the way she sounds, they don’t like the way she seems very sure she’s going to get what she wants.
” You can’t come with me. ” they tell her.
The Woman slams her palm down and the Car and the Jeep tilt a little to the left and she says, ” I go where I want- do you hear me? And what I want is for you to let me in!”
Both of my Grandfathers start to pull away and that’s when they look down and see that the hem of the woman’s dress is floating a little above the ground- where her feet should be.
But weren’t.
When they looked backup into her face she was smiling.
” I travel these roads but I don’t walk them.”
Did she tell you how she traveled them? I asked over 30 years later.
Neither man answered me.
Their story always ended with them driving off and the Ghost Lady being pulled back into the trees at the side of the road or the canfields by the shadows.
I think she did answer and in the end when they died I think they won- whatever that Ghost Lady said, whatever curse or threat she made- got left on those roads years ago.
Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if they had let her in, would I be here to tell you this story?
I could answer it if you like…or you could leave it here on the side of the road.
The choice is yours.
Happy Holidays
from
amm
A Christmas Serenade
December 24, 2007
Chico, the 10 pound Chihuahua, wishes you all
a Very Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.
L. Gloyd (c) 2007
Merry Christmas from Wyoming
December 23, 2007
On The Tenth Day
December 23, 2007All Sharp Objects Will Be Confiscated At The Door
On the tenth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Ten lords a-leaping,
Nine ladies dancing,
Eight maids a-milking,
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.
Who has an allergy attack during the dead of winter- when there is snow on the ground and nothing has blossomed or bloomed- in months?
Why me of course.
I was always coming down with something either on Christmas Eve (mumps age 6) or Christmas Day (chicken pox age 10). That’s to say nothing of the sprained ankles from falling out of trees and sliding off roof tops (hey, if you can figure out how to get around on those things when they’re covered with ice and snow feel free to share it with the rest of us) around Thanksgiving.
So just before Christmas at age 28 I’m in my kitchen making a snack for my kids and their cousins were visiting for the afternoon.
I had decided on apple slices and caramel dip.
I’m a great fan of this caramel sauce that you can dip fruit into and I was perfectly willing to bust into my secret stash because I figured if the kids were eating this caramel and apple snack they wouldn’t be able to talk and I could have a little peace and quiet.
Actually, at this point in the day I would have settled for one or the other.
Anyway, I was slicing up the apple when I sneezed- and then my eyes started to itch and I started sneezing some more and couldn’t stop. It came on so fast that I never even had the chance to turn my head.
So I ended up sneezing all over the apple slices
Brother.
I look around, take the cutting board with the apples slices on it and rinse it under the faucet- and while the water is running I decided to take an allergy pill.
When I’m done I turn around with the cutting board and nearly walk into one of the little cousins who tell me, ” My Mom says I’m not allowed to eat the skin off the apples. So you have to cut it off.”
” Why? ” I ask.
” Because it’s easy for kids to choke on apple skins.”
I’ll be darned- ” I did not know that. ” I told him.
” It’s true so you HAVE to cut off the skin.”
And he starts to dance around my kitchen chanting ‘ cut off the skin.’
Well he’s making so much noise that the other kids rush into the kitchen and before I know it I have this mob of 6-8 year old boys waving their arms around and chanting ‘ cut off the skin, cut off the skin’
It was about then that the allergy medicine kicked in- it was this stuff that you could get from the doctor that didn’t make you sleepy the way allergy medicine did. One of the more interesting ( but rare ) side effects was that it could jack your heart rate up enough to make your teeth rattle and that’s what it did to me.
So I was a little distracted and that’s probably why the knife slipped while I was peeling the apple skin and I sliced open my finger from my palm all the way to the tip.
I held my hand up and blood just sort of poured from my hand all the way down my arm to my elbow. Look, I was a mortician I wasn’t used to seeing active bleeding so I held my hand up, looked into the cut and determined I was in trouble.
But who was in the next room playing video games and had just come back from his final first aid classes that very morning?
A family member- a family member who knew what to do with actual bleeding…and lots of it- he had shown us the certificate to prove it.
I sent one of the kids to get their Uncle and he walked out took one look at my cut and his eyes rolled up into his head and he fainted.
He didn’t just faint he whacked his head but good on the kitchen counter before he hit the floor and that kathunk noise he made?
That wasn’t good.
You know what else isn’t good?
Having your family pull up to your house where their kids are and there’s a fire truck an aid car and an ambulance all lined up just waiting to do their duty.
One of my family members rushes in and wants to know what happened and I hold up my finger.
” All of this for that?” she asks.
Just then they wheel my Hero out on the stretcher and his head is encased in this brace that looks like a big yellow block with blue Velcro straps.
I knew he was pretending to be unconscious when they went by.
All I can think to say is “ I got the turkey in.” I point to the oven.
” Plus she cut the skin off our apples because you can choke to death on that you know.” says one of the kids.
From this crowd of people my Sister asks slowly, ” did you stuff the turkey with that? ” she points to my finger.
” No I used my feet. “
The silence was deafening
I had to drive myself to the hospital.
Cookies for the Soul
December 22, 2007I’ve got a sappy sort of chicken-soup-for-the-soul story involving the infamous maternal Christmas cookies up on I Should Be Writing Now.
