A little Christmas writing exercise
December 13, 2007I got a Christmas newsletter today from a relative. You know the kind I’m talking about–the newsletters that come from relatives with whom you really don’t have much in common and because of that you only see them once in a blue moon– the type of newsletter that lists all the exciting things said relative has done that makes your life look really boring. We have all gotten them.
So I get one today. I never got past the first paragraph where said relative lists two of her activities as “rejuverderm” injections and a colonoscopy. I just broke down in laughter.
Now I am not belittling the importance of having a colonoscopy. These are absolutely necessary and a laud her for doing it. But really– there are just some things that don’t seem quite appropriate to be in a Christmas greeting to the extended family and friends! The mental image I have right now is….well, never mind.
This relative has a great sense of humor and I suspect she found the inclusion of these activities in her newsletter as funny as I did.
Now the writing exercise I submit to you is to write about the most interesting holiday greeting card or newsletter you ever received OR if you were to write a newsletter for yourself (and you didn’t have to worry about offending anyone) what would you put in it.
Merry Christmas, one and all. 
L.
I’ve always been tempted to write one of those newsletters that is more intersesting for what it doesn’t say than what it does – you know the sort – the ones that say things like, “We went on a little road trip this summer. Fortunately the car repairs are almost finished and Grampa’s whiplash is doing just fine…” Things in that vein. It’s a good thing that we are generally pretty boring around here (knock wood) or I might just do it!
Oh don’t Lori. I am holding my sides to stop them from splitting open. I am not sure my black humour is printable darling
but I will see how I go.
How wild can we get? After my Christmas tree drama, hmmmmmmm. Of course, it sounds like too much fun not to take on this writing challenge.
Now Lori like your cousin mine does not imply any hurt toward the people I speak about …but it goes like this……
A CHRISTMAS TREE LIKE NO OTHER
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When I moved from nursing into Diversional Therapy
and looking at the needs of those who had severe memory loss I thought I knew it all
(you know what I mean).
So when Christmas time came around I decided I would have a REAL LIVE TREE you know the sort ..you buy them from a Christmas farm…..
I lugged it in the back of my station wagon ….got a big plastic tub,sprayed it green filled it with soil and a saucer underneath for the water….
I gathered up all sorts of decorations from op shops and friends ,all old time bits and pieces …put them in two big boxes,gathered the residents (all with a form of dementia) around in a 1/2 circle,put the tree in the corner of the activities room out of the way of people rushing through …
Each resident was given the chance to select an item and put it on the tree(with my help) when finished it looked beautiful …I didn’t put a set of lights on it in case one of them might grab them and come to harm…
It stood there for 2 days and then this happened….
a. There was a strange smell coming from it
b. I thought I had watered it too much.
c. Then the pine needles on the lower branches started to die.
d. I cut the lower branches off…but the next day the other branches were dying also.
That night I was asked to fill in as we were short staffed on the night shift…..so I said yes as the pay is good …so here I was 2 of us with 36 residents who roamed and got out of bed constantly looking for their families ,it was a big job keeping an eye on them all
We also had open our lounges and music rooms for them to wander around and sit in chairs and doze off
when needed we pop a big rug around them and they are quite snug.
Come 3 am…..that morning , not one but 2 male residents came into the activities room and ” DID WEE ON THE TREE” then they wandered off got into bed and went to sleep…..
I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry …..
But at least the mystery of the dying tree was solved
and the sour soil was not my fault or was it an overwatering the problem…..
As you all know that when we have a LEMON TREE in our garden the best way to give it a kick on in health is to ask the men to piddle on it…..or so I have been told.
It was always a custom at my home ..My Bro who visited this week went out into the garden and did just that..now he has not lived here for 48 years in the home he was born in……
Perhaps men are programmed to do this……
So I told the D.O.N the story ,she laughed and we kept it to ourselves not wanting to hurt the feelings of families or residents ..
Perhaps we could say
” A tree is a Tree no matter what “as long as it is alive…
because you know what…in this N/Home we had artificial trees in pots and not one of the men ever did this……so they knew the difference between real and artificial….
So this is a little Christmas story I always remember
Lois(muse of the sea) Frid 14/12/07
Good topic, Lori!
You know, I never really experienced one of those Christmas newsletters, at least not a massively obnoxious one. But then, I LIKE fruitcake. So maybe my filter is off when it comes to these types of things.
Oh Lois…I’m dying here! But just from knowing my boyfriend and other guys…it IS ingrained. And obvious that even dementia can’t kill the need to pee on trees!
I sent a letter to Santa.
( anita sneaks off laughing to herself )
It’s posted here: http://riversleigh.wordpress.com/2007/12/16/letter-to-santa/
The best kind of Christmas letters are those that tell what you didn’t do but would like to: Like visiting the man in the moon or singing at the grand opera……….Fran